This morning, I came late to the office, very late. Then I met my friend, whose age is much older than me, a married woman. She suddenly look at me and then said ‘you should really know your spouse’s character and personality before decided to marry him’.
Though I already know it long long time ago, I dont wanna let her down because it seems like she
needed someone to talk. So I said ‘mm, how long you’ve been together before decided to get marry?’ She answered ‘about 5 months, at that time I was 30 yo and in a rush to get married (well, here in Indonesia, women over 30 are considered as a spinster) so I said to him “if you seriously wanted to marry me, take your parents to meet mine and propose me” and that’s all, we’ve got married after that. I regrets for not appropriately knows him and now I’m trapped in this marriage.’ (FYI, a divorce is a taboo here, though the woman is financially independent).
That’s her story, ah, she have two sons.
Here’s what I have in mind. There’s no way I would and could marrying someone that I’ve just met in a few months, it’s just too risky. Getting to know each other’s character, personality, life, family, job, mind and views are important. I mean, I want an everlasting marriage, once in a life time. It has nothing to do with a fairytale kind of marriage where they’re live happily ever after without any storms or rocky roads along the way. No, not at all. I’m a realistic woman, I know there’s gonna be a lot of problems (and joys, of course) along the way, doesn’t it gonna be better if we really know our spouse? So there’s no unpredictable behaviour when it comes to solve the problems. It’s easier to compromise.
More info regarding marry:
Another way to find a husband/wife without dating and a long relationship, called ‘ta’aruf’. In Islam, you’re not allowed to date someone, ta’aruf is the only way to get married. This is more religious and going through a process and a specific pray. And ‘ikhlas’ play a big role in this process. You can browse about ta’aruf to know it better 🙂
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